I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
