I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Randomize
