i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
