yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
