Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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