Screwed.edu
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
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