Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
