In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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