So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
