I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
