I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have tasted many bathrooms
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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