im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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