i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this boner is exhausting
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
