was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
