Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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