When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
