I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
