Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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