so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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