16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
