All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
