Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
