he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize