I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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