Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
