she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize