Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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