Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
