Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
