I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
how does that bad decision feel?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
