Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
