I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
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Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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