Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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