he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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