what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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