I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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