Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
