Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The uberlube is also flammable
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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