I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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