There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
