I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
