I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
