I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
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