some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
