i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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