I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
