So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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