ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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