So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
