Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
