Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
