I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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