Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
