your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
