Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
