I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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