I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
