No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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