i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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