Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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