I think im going to throw up on grandma
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
