Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
