and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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