Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
