I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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