My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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